Almost all my friends are gone. They are back to school, back at work, or already on their overseas adventures. I am home: washing dishes, working Monday through Thursday to pass the time, and scribbling tentative packing lists. And I still have a couple of weeks to go.
I don’t think I have ever experienced such a strange time in my life. I know I’m about to embark on a life-changing adventure, but I’m still here. It’s perplexing and I feel as if, in a way, I’m not entirely in existence anywhere. Half of my self is in Indiana, avoiding packing out of fear doing so will make my trip nonfiction. (Seriously, all I’ve done towards packing is put my suitcases in the hallway.) The other half of my self is already 10,000 air miles away in Adelaide, battling giant spiders and sea snakes. A bit dramatic, but if recent news is anything to judge by, my brain is doing me a favor by preparing for war.
At first, the worst part about being in this antechamber of adventure (waiting room, but I like the way “antechamber of adventure” sounds like it could be the eighth Harry Potter book) was that my friends are no longer a campus walk away. But now I’ve reconnected with old friends at home and I’m spending almost every weekend traveling the state to see the rest. The worst part of waiting now is how my trip to Australia is all anyone wants to talk to me about. And I can’t even count the number of times the same people have asked me when I leave. I know they’re not anxious to be rid of me, but on darker days my mind sometimes goes there.
The first dream I had about Australia was a couple of months back. In the dream, I couldn’t make any new friends at University of Adelaide, and when I came back all my friends here had forgotten about me. The friends I told about the dream laughed at me to say, “As if that would ever happen.” But for as much as I laughed at myself in front of them, it’s still a legitimate fear. As legitimate as my fear of giant spiders and sea snakes.
Though I’m still struggling to feel fully in existence anywhere, my hope has been replenished thanks of one of my favorite movies, The Princess Diaries. Specifically, I’m given hope by the words of Mia’s father: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.”
Traveling literally halfway around the world alone for the first time is incredibly terrifying. But while I’m clinging to these next couple weeks at home, I’m also anxious to move out of the waiting room and into my adventure. Fears of being friendless or bitten by animals aside, I could not be more excited. Not only will my overseas study give me the opportunity to take interesting classes, live within a different culture, and make new friends, but it will give me the opportunity to really get to know myself. After all, when all that you know is left behind, all that is left is you. I am looking forward to meeting myself in Australia.